5 effective ways to deal with difficult co-workers

The “experts” who write so much about Management Theory and Human Resources leadership ignore the simple fact that people can really be obnoxious. Amy, an HR manager, keeps a mental list of complaints made about difficult workers. Some steal from the refrigerator, some talk politics endlessly, and some just smell bad.

Remember: everyone is watching how you deal with difficult co-workers.

1. Gossiper: There’s nothing good about gossip. Even when true, it is negative and destructive. Still, people will talk.

Gossipers try to make themselves more important by betraying a confidence someone has placed in them. They think making others look bad will make them look good. They invent, share, or spread unfounded rumors that will embarrass others. The gossipers become a real difficult problem when they are relentless and mean. It helps little to understand that such people are insecure and feed on the attention they attract. TIP: It’s not enough to walk away from the gossip and the gossiper. You need to shut him or her down. You can tell the gossiper that you are simply not interested, that you know they are simply wrong as a matter of fact, or that you have work to do. As a manager, you might also say, “I’ve heard that you have a great deal to say about [your boss, your co-worker, your owner]. It’s important you understand that gossip is not something we value here at XYZ company.” In his book, The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz, discusses the power of words: “The word is the most powerful tool you have as a human; it is the tool of magic. But, like a sword with two edges, your word can create the most beautiful dream, or your word can destroy everything around you.” He goes on to encourage us to be impeccable with the words we choose to use every day, and continues to say: “Being impeccable with your word is not using the word against yourself. If I see you in the street and I call you stupid, it appears that I’m using the word against you. But really I’m using my word against myself because you’re going to hate me for this, and your hating me is not good for me.” Therefore, if we gossip, we’re sending emotional poison out, thereby actually using the words against ourselves. On the other hand, if we love ourselves, then we’ll express that love in our interactions with other people. This way, we’re “being impeccable with the word.” TIP: Be impeccable with your words, to yourself and to others.

2. Passive/Aggressive: Even the Mayo Clinic feels passive-aggressive behavior may indicate mental health issues. They define it as “a pattern of indirectly expressing negative feelings instead of openly addressing them. There’s a disconnect between what a passive-aggressive person says and what he or she does.”

Such employees will express excitement about a decision or project while subtly undermining the plans. They behave coolly and reservedly on the outside, but seethe with dissent and discomfort inside. This misleads and confuses teammates and managers.

Remember: passive-aggressive co-workers “normally have a reason that they refuse to speak their mind about their problems in the first place.”

TIP: Once you realize that their behavior might be a result of deep insecurities, it becomes easier to handle. Public hostility will only reinforce the behavior. So, you need to solve the employee’s problem with openness and communication. Instead of blaming, you can explain the problem as you see it in terms of workplace communication. Then, you’ll find solutions in classic conflict resolution techniques.

3. Whiner: Constant complainers are tiring. They create stress and wear down their co-workers simply because they have nothing good to say about anyone or anything.

They may be right about a mistake or error they see in the work, but what’s annoying about their complaining is that it is just relentless. They complain about big things and small, important and irrelevant things. Whiners refuse to understand or admit that their complaining consumes your time, delays process, and reduces productivity. Just as important, complaining can spread. If the behavior is not addressed, others see that as acceptance and endorsement. As a co-worker or manager, you understand that positive people perform better, so it requires action.

Remember: as long as complainers feel that they have been dealt a bad hand in life, there is no good trying to change them.

TIP: It’s more productive to treat them with empathy and concern for their problem. As Psychology Today points out, they are not looking for advice, so you do better to accept their complaint and re-direct it. In so many words, you can say, “I understand where you’re coming from. There’s plenty to complain about. But, if we handle this together, maybe we can get it right.”

4. The Know-It-All: The know-it-all annoys everyone. Sometimes, they are smart; other times, they just pretend. In either case, they act annoyingly superior. They seem to enjoy humbling and humiliating others.

Pretentious and self-centered, they may need the attention and self-confidence that comes from their own talk. If this “expert in all things” is truly competent and knowledgeable, you don’t want to dismiss or diminish that.

Remember: tell and show them you value their friendship.

For the sake of the team and culture, you can praise their thinking and contribution and even share it with others. This helps the co-workers to see value in the expert’s help. If you communicate that recognition as important to the team and its goals, it places the expert’s work in a team context and reduces the self-importance. TIP: Give the expert a role to play, and you can manage them into a “we” mode. Where and when you can, you want to coach the expert towards taking the lead on sharing, collaboration, and innovation.

5. Slacker: Staller, procrastinator, lazy, whatever you want to call them, slackers fail the team by failing, delaying, and/or ignoring the work and their share in it. As a psychological stance, they also have a thousand explanations and excuses.

Slackers also tend to work right up to the job description requirements. They avoid the extra work, the willingness to participate, and the need to step up to new challenges.

Remember: in acting this out, they discourage others, outrage some, and fundamentally affect productivity.

Customer Success Managers and Team Leaders have to verify facts and disregard rumors that surround slackers. But, armed with observations of slacker behavior, you can rehire the employee, so to speak. Revisit their orientation and job description to reiterate its expectations. Negotiate understanding of those goals and the metrics that will make a difference. Tip: Review the recognition and reward system. It’s not much of an assumption to figure that slackers are also self-interested, so they will respond to rewards and may even compete for more. Effectively dealing with difficult co-workers is a must. Putting up with problem workers only strengthens their position and behavior. They have to be dealt with. But, you must start with a self-appraisal. It’s going to take your enthusiasm and optimism to turn situations around. Where you cannot change people, you can manage the context in which their bad habits are diminished.

Remember: It lies in your leadership skills to make lemonade out of the lemons you are given.

As a good, strong, well-placed Customer Success Manager or Team Leader, you have strengths and skills to order processes, assign roles, and integrate the personalities involved. Part of it is making things work, and part of it is making things work better. But, in the long run, it is the work and its outcomes that rule, so start with your own abilities and work to align the behaviors of others with the organizational purpose. It takes the personality out of the process. What did YOU do to effectively deal with difficult co-workers? Feel free to share ideas that worked for you in this matter. Interested in contributing to this blog? Write me at miron9000@gmail.com